THE HAUNTED MANSION
MOVIE REVIEW

		Review by E.C. McMullen Jr.
THE HAUNTED MANSION - 2003 USA Release: Nov. 26, 2003 Gunn Films, Doom Buggy Productions, Walt Disney Pictures Rating: USA: R

Welcome foolish mortals

So begins THE HAUNTED MANSION, which goes right into the credits that are both live action and computer animation.

There's dancing, romance, and tragedy. Its with these credits that the backstory is hinted at. There are also clues, if you can remember them, to what will happen in this movie.

Deep in the woodsy bayou of Louisiana, a delivery kid on a bicycle rides up to the Gracey Mansion. This is no mistake on his part. He's on a dirt road and there is nothing behind him but more road and trees.

Curiosity draws him toward the closed gates of the Gracey Mansion and just as it looks like he's about to open them, a force flies out of the house with a shout, frightening the kid, who falls back on his bike, drops his bag of deliveries, and hurriedly pedals away.

He was delivering flyers: ads for the Evers & Evers Real Estate Agency, which features headshot photos of Jim Evers (Eddie Murphy: A VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN) and his wife Sarah (Marsha Thomason: LONG TIME DEAD, THE TRIPPER, LOST [TV], FREAKANGELS [TV]).

Next we meet Jim Evers, Real Estate agent, as he shows yet another house to a bickering married couple who can't make up their minds. More specifically, the meticulous husband can't make up his mind.

With a combination of salesmanship, guile, and subtle showmanship, Jim sells the house. And all while promising his wife on the phone that he will be on time for their wedding anniversary, which is tonight.

Of course, he won't make it: He's addicted to the sale, and there's always another opportunity no matter how much he fights himself to ignore it.

As any addict, he has a good reason, because of course he does. In fact, unlike most addicts who are pure parasites, destroying their families inside and out, Jim's addiction brings money to the family which feeds and houses them.

Sarah isn't swayed by such excuses. After all, she is also a Real Estate agent, puts food on the table and clothes on their backs, and still finds time for their children and family.

Defeated by reason, Jim gives in and promises that they will spend this weekend, away from the house and their town, and all of its temptation, and enjoy a family mini-vacation. A road trip to "The lake"! Nothing but Sarah, Jim, and their children, Megan (Aree Davis) and Michael (Marc John Jefferies: MONSTERS, INC., SPIDER-MAN 2, PHELS HIGH, NERVE).

It looks like the Evers are going to have a wonderful Disney family fun time, and without any Cruellas to muck up their joy.

Then Sarah gets a phone call. The man on the light, with a trembling spray of British accent, invites her to come to the "Master's Mansion" to discuss selling the house. Sarah writes down his information, but when the caller says she must come at once and alone, Sarah puts her foot down, informing the potential customer that she's spending time with her family and she and her husband are a team.

Too late. Jim overhears part of the conversation, sees the address of the house, and excitedly tells her that's no ordinary address. That area is loaded with multi-million dollar mansions. This could be the sale of their lives. Why they could take a whole summer off as a family if this pans out.

Jim promises that the address is nothing more than a detour, 20 minutes tops out of their way, Sarah gives in.

When they arrive at the wrought iron gate, Jim is impressed by the enormity of the estate and his house. Jim can only see dollar signs and there's nothing creepy enough about the mansion, not even the vast cemetery behind the house, that can dissuade him. Not even the lightning storm and downpour.

I'd buy a place like this! But the annual maintenance probably costs more than the house itself!

The massive front doors of the mansion open to them, seemingly on their own, and they meet the butler of the mansion, Ramsley (Terrence Stamp: THE COLLECTOR, SPIRITS OF THE DEAD, TEOREMA, TOBY DAMMIT, THE MIND OF MR. SOAMES, HU-MAN, MYSTERY ON MONSTER ISLAND, LINK, ALIEN NATION, STRANGER IN THE HOUSE, THE HUNGER [TV], RED PLANET, REVELATION, THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, CROW, CROOKED HOUSE, LAST NIGHT IN SOHO), who makes his spooky, eerie entrance.

He bids them to follow him to the dining room where the master waits and will discuss business over dinner.

The trip to the lake is a future that looks ever more distant.

At dinner they meet the Master of the house, Master Gracey (Nathaniel Parker: FADE TO BLACK [2006], MALICE IN WONDERLAND, T.I.M.), the storm traps them there, and they're forced to spend the night.

From the opening credits, we know that Gracey and Ramsley are dead, so where did the food come from and what are the Evers family eating?

Probably best NOT to know!

With the Evers forced to spend the night, the rest of the movie plays out in the Hiollywood standard way of haunted house movies (their many titles even mentioned in the disc commentary) with individual members of the guests finding themselves separated from each other, lost in the house, and compelled to explore and "Solve this mystery, gang!"

Despite the common plot line THE HAUNTED MANSION moves briskly, never dawdling, as it runs through the various rooms of the Disneyland / Disneyworld ride.

If you're familiar with the ride you'll love the eye-candy visuals and might enjoy the many quotable lines. If not, you may be puzzled as to why some quotes are mysteriously given so much weight in their delivery.

Actor Wallace Shawn (SIMON, STRANGE INVADERS, THE BEDROOM WINDOW, MONSTERS, INC., THE INCREDIBLES, CHICKEN LITTLE, TOY STORY OF TERROR, THE ADDAMS FAMILY 2, EVIL [TV]) as Ezra, another member of the house staff, was not written into the final script, but later grafted in when they had the opportunity to hire him (and who doesn't want to hire Wallace Shawn? The man has acted in over 220 productions. He gets a check just for walking through your movie!). The otherwise hilarious Shawn was given the most cornball lines to say, awkwardly delivered, and has a pointless reason for existence. They even tried to play off of his role in The Princess Bride, where his fun quote was "Inconceivable!"

Here they had him repeat, "Inexcusable!". I get the fanboy enthusiasm of having Shawn in your movie, but it would have been great if his character was necessary, like say, the caretaker of the family cemetery, who is already featured in THE HAUNTED MANSION ride (but reduced here to a mere, blink and you'll miss it, special effect). The story as written and directed didn't need another comedy relief in a movie that already stars Eddie Murphy. What a waste of talent.

Director and Executive Producer, Rob Minkoff, who built his career on children's television and feature films, and is quite successful with both, never tackled a Horror movie before and never did it again. That said, Rob, together with Special Effects Make-Up Artist (SFX MUA), Rick Baker and Visual Effects Supervisor (VFX) pushed the limits of fright and gore with THE HAUNTED MANSION.

It is said that Disney executives, concerned about their "brand", pushed back on how scary their movie would be. How much truth there is to that anecdote, I don't know, but despite his massive success in directing Disney productions before this, he never worked with the studio again.

Writer David Berenbaum, found great success before and after this Disney movie, and never worked for the studio either.

The freshness of the movie are all of its many excellent exteriors and interiors by Academy Award winning Production Designer, John Myhre (PUPPET MASTER [1989], POPCORN, X-MEN, WANTED, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES, X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST). All of Myhre and crew's hard work is richly rewarded by the lighting and cinematography of Remi Adefarasin with Set Dresser, Rosemary Brandenburg, lavishly dressing up ever single set.

THE HAUNTED MANSION was a gamble and an experiment and Disney spent $90 million in 2003 dollars in the hopes it would at least look right, and boy does it ever. Making a low budget THE HAUNTED MANSION, like they tried a few years earlier with 1997's TOWER OF TERROR, wouldn't work. The ride was expensive to create and the house in the movie had to mirror that.

The Horrors, from the face of Ramsley the butler to all of the spooks and undead, come courtesy of Emmy and Academy Award winning Special Effects creature and make-up Artist, Rick Baker (IT'S ALIVE, TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST, SQUIRM, KING KONG [1976], THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN, WITHOUT WARNING, ALTERED STATES, THE FUNHOUSE, AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, GHOST STORY, VIDEODROME, Michael Jackson's THRILLER, GREMLINS 2, WEREWOLF [TV], BEAUTY AND THE BEAST [TV], THE ROCKETEER, WOLF, ED WOOD, BATMAN FOREVER, THE FRIGHTENERS, MEN IN BLACK, PLANET OF THE APES [2001], MEN IN BLACK II, THE RING, THE WOLFMAN, HELLBOY, CURSED, TRON: LEGACY, MALEFICENT).

Jennifer Tilly as Madam Leota

As Jim Evers, Eddie Murphy toned down his then trademark hysterics, which matches the themes of the movie, as his character wouldn't work as an irresponsible clown or man-child, but a grow man struggling against his nature to be a good husband and father despite the insane circumstances he finds himself in.

The movie also drops movie references and trivia whether it works or not and many references to the ride itself aren't as well timed and seamless as PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL was, but as family fare it works well as a fun Popcorn movie.

Part of that fun comes from Jennifer Tilly (REMOTE CONTROL, HIGH SPIRITS, EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE, BRIDE OF CHUCKY, MONSTERS, INC., SEED OF CHUCKY, TIDELAND, THE CARETAKER, CURSE OF CHUCKY, CULT OF CHUCKY, Don Mancini's CHUCKY [TV]), who steals every scene as Madam Leota, even though she's nothing more than a disembodied head.

All in all depending on the age of the kids in your house, THE HAUNTED MANSION might get a lot of repeat viewings, and that might be worth the price of a disc.

Three Shriek Girls.

This review copyright 2025 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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You Know his Work, Do You Know the Artist?
Mentioning THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and Cruella de Vil in my review of THE HAUNTED MANSION is no accident. Disneyland was the world's first theme park, and though Walt wanted it, he didn't know how to make it. The man who created the ride "tableaus" for both rides, as well as creating Ms. De Vil, was one of "Disney's Nine Old Men", Illustrator Mark Davis.

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